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Paulie: With all the shit we’ve been through, you think I’ll really kill you?
Christopher: Yeah, I do.
Paulie: Don’t make me pull rank on you kid.
Christopher: F**k you, Paulie. Captain or no Captain, right now we are just two ass holes lost in the woods.
Paulie: You’re not gonna believe this. The guy killed 16 Czechoslovakians. He was an interior decorator.
Christopher: His house looked like shit.
Tony: She’s smart, she’s sexy, she’s Italian. You stick to your own kind.
Dr. Melfi: What is this, West Side Story now?
Christopher: The Russians… They are not all bad.
Paulie: How about the Cuban missile crises?
Tony: It’s through therapy. We are learning how to communicate.
Carmela: Where were you last night?
Tony: No where. I was a monogamy poster boy. Swear to God!
Paulie: The Boss of the Family told you gonna be Santa Claus. You're Santa Claus.
Big Pussy: I always wanted a house by the ocean. May be in another life.
Tony: Is Meadow still here?
Carmela: Jackie Jr. took her to the city to see Aida.
Tony: I-eat-her?!
Gloria: Is it loaded?
Tony: There is nothing more useless then an unloaded gun.
Paulie: Snakes were f**king themselves long before Adam and Eve showed up to Eden.
Paulie: How can you trust a guy who can literally go f**k them selves.
Furio: Don't bitch to me. Bet with your head, not over it.
Johnny Sack: Don't talk crazy. You wanna commit a suicide, pills are allot easier.
Tony: I'm trying to quit smoking.
Gloria: Serial killer. I murdered seven relationships.
Christopher: The thing with turkeys is they don’t have no sense of direction. They were on the way to Food Emporium and now look.
Ralphie: I'm on a roll here...
Gigi: You'll be on a slab if you keep it up.
Tony: I already got one and Mr. Williams here… He does not play.
Furio: Stupid f**king game.
Tony: I won’t pay. I know too much about extortion.
Tony: You see my wife, you talk about oven cleaning. Anything else, you come to me.
Carmela: I am not the one who needs mental help. I just needed to vent.
Carmela: You know about his job. He reports to a strip club. Who knows how he spends his days.
Anthony Jr.: We are going to the FBI headquarters
Tony: So?
Tony: He died, that’s all. Work related death. It’s just sad when they go so young.
Paulie: Oh, look at that! It’s like an ad for a f**king weight loss center. It’s before and WAY before…
Tony: There he is! Fresh Prince of New Jersey.
Silvio: She’s so fat, her blood type is Ragu.
Dr. Melfi: You’re both very angry.
Tony: Yeah, you must’ve been in the top of your f**king class.
Dr. Melfi: I’ve been charmed by a sociopath.
Ralphie: Strength and honor!
Tony: Scotch and soda!
Tony: I’m gonna say a few things, I’m gonna a say same bad words and you just gonna have to deal with it.
Carmela: You want to talk to your father? He is outside.
Meadow: Burning a cross?
Uncle Junior: I'm f**king fed up.
Tony: Hey, I'm on the street. That's the arrangement. Stay home, clip your coupons. Be a happy man.
Anthony Jr.: I thought Black was death.
Meadow: White too...
Livia: I wish the Lord would take me now.
Tony: Well, in the mean time...
Tony: Log off. That cookie sh*t makes me nervous.
Uncle Junior: Even the coffee is old in here.
Livia: How much complaining can you do?
Tony: Before it’s over, they will pin that Egypt air thing on me, and you f**king know it!
Big Pussy: I am telling you, this disinformation s**t is an affective technique. It’s a freaking ace!
Tony: I had a dream that I f**ked your brains out. Right on that desk, and you loved it
Dr. Melfi: Well you through that at me like a rock.
Paulie: You know that other party, who said he saw something, that we know did not happen? He realizes now, he didn't see what we klnow did not happen...
Dr. Melfi: Two years ago I thought RICO was a relative of his.
Tony: Do you eat steak?
Paulie: What a f**k you talkin about?
Tony: If you were in India, you would go to Hell for that.
Paulie: Christopher did not have a dream. In my dream I make my peace… He was dead. Science said he was dead. Science!
Dr. Melfi: I am living in the moral never never land with this patient. Not wanting to judge but to treat. But now I’ve judged. I took a position God Damn it and I am scared.
Christopher: I am going to Hell, T.
Tony: You're not going anywheres but home.
Richie: If there's anything you can do for me ...let me know
Anthony Jr.: What does she know?
Tony: She knows, that even if the God is dead, you still gonna kiss his ass!
Uncle Junior: My father told me to never get old, I should of listened to him.
Carmela: You know, Tony, it's a multiple choice thing with you. 'Cause I can't tell if you're old-fashioned, you're paranoid, or just a f**king asshole.
Massive G: You people are alright. Godfather? I've seen that movie 200 times. Godfather II was definitely the s**t. The third one, a lot of people didn't like it, but I think it was just misunderstood.
Dr. Melfi: Sad is good. Unconscious isn't.
Uncle Junior: Don't be so f**kin' smart. Things could’ve gone the other way, my little nephew.
Christopher: Hesh is the world's sweetest guy, but I've heard his opinions on giving back pieces of Israel. I can only imagine what he's going to say about this s**t.
Tony: Uncle June, how was Boca?
Junior: Wonderful. I don't go down enough.
Carmela: That's not what I heard.
Carmela: Did you know that an Italian invented the telephone?
Anthony Jr.: Alexander Graham Bell was Italian?
Bakery clerk: You motherf**ker! You shot my foot!
Christopher: It happens.
Livia: He goes to talk about his mother. That's what he's doing. He talks about me, he complains. 'She didn't do this, she did that.' Oh, I gave my life to my children on a silver platter, and this is how he repays me.
Silvio: My daughter's been giving me all this feminist s**t about this place. How it "objectifies" women, s**t like that. These girls are pulling down $1500 a week, this bears no weight with the princepessa.
Tony: This psychiatry s**t. Apparently what you're feeling is not what you're feeling, and what you're not feeling is your real agenda.
Dr. Melfi: When's the last time you had a prostate exam?
Tony: Hey, I don't even let anyone wag their finger in my face.
Meadow: Are you in the Mafia?
Tony: I'm in the waste management business. Everybody immediately assumes you're mobbed up. It's a stereotype, and it's offensive.
Christopher: This ain't negotiation time. This is Scarface, final scene, f**kin' bazookas under each arm, 'say hello to my little friend!'
Silvio: Always with the scenarios.
Livia: I wish the Lord would take me now.
Tony: You know, I come here to get cheered up. You think that's a mistake?
Uncle Junior: You gotta lot of sense for an old gal.
Livia: No, I'm a babbling idiot. That's why my son put me in a nursing home.
Livia: Then kill me now. Go on, go, go into the ham, and take the carving knife. And stab me here, here! Now
Tony: You gotta stop. You gotta stop with this...this black poison cloud all the time 'cause I can't take it anymore.
Livia: Oh, poor you!
Big Pussy: Oh, again with the 'rape of the culture'. Can we go find these Spice Girls already and get this over with?
Dr. Melfi: With today's pharmacology, no one needs to suffer with feelings of exhaustion and depression.
Tony: Here we go. Here comes the Prozac.
Christopher: Louis Brazzi sleeps with the fishes.
Big Pussy: Luca Brazzi. Luca...
Christopher: Whatever.
Tony: It's good to be in something from the ground floor. I came too late for that, I know. But lately I'm getting the feeling that I came in at the end. The best is over.
Tony: I want him where I can see him.
Carmella: That's what we mean when we say family.