Three baseball fans were on their way to a game when one noticed a foot sticking out of the bushes by the side of the road.
They stopped and discovered a nude female dead drunk. Out of respect and propriety, the Cubs fan took off his cap and placed it over her right breast. The Red Sox fan took off his cap and placed it over her left breast. Following their lead, the Yankee fan took off his cap and placed it over her crotch.
The police were called and when the officer arrived, he conducted his inspection. First, he lifted up the Cubs cap, replaced it, and wrote down some notes. Next, he lifted the Sox cap, replaced it, and wrote down some more notes. The officer then lifted the Yankees cap, replaced it, then lifted it again, replaced it, lifted it a third time, and replaced it one last time.
The Yankee fan was getting upset and finally asked, “What are you, a pervert or something? Why do you keep lifting and looking, lifting and looking?”
Well,” said the officer. “I am simply surprised. Normally when I look under a Yankees hat, I find an asshole.”
Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it’s missing a seal, so whenever it rains, he has to smear Vaseline over the spot where the seal should be.
His girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents. He rides his new bike to her house, where she is outside waiting for him. “No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don’t say a word.” She tells him, “Our family had a fight awhile ago about doing dishes. We haven’t done any since, but the first person to speak at dinner has to do them.”
Steve sits down for dinner and it is just how she described it. Dishes are piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen, and nobody is saying a word. So Steve decides to have a little fun. He grabs his girlfriend, throws her on the table and has sex with her in front of her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.
A few minutes later he grabs her mom, throws her on the table, and does a repeat performance. Now his girlfriend is furious, her dad is boiling, and her mother is a little happier. But still there is complete silence at the table.
All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain. Steve remembers his motorcycle. He jumps up and grabs his jar of Vaseline. When he witnesses this, his girlfriend’s father backs away from the table and screams, “Okay, enough already, I’ll do the fucking dishes!”
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