ცუდად ვაააააააარ
CHAMPIONS LEAGUE FINAL DRINKING GAME (to be experienced responsibly and only among those aged 18 or over), the rules of which are as follows:Play starts 30 minutes prior to kick-off, and requires all participants to gather in a communal space, complete with unlimited supplies of Russia's best-selling beer, Baltika, and a selection of Russian bar snacks - pickled cucumbers, dried squid and spicy aubergines should do nicely.
From the commencement of TV coverage, participants shall drink one shot of Baltika at every mention of
1. THAT final in 1999
2. Roman Abramovich's Moscow connections
3. Frank Lampard's immense strength of character
4. Sir Alex Ferguson's burning desire to eclipse Liverpool's 18 titles - and five European Cups?
4. "Red" Square / "Blue" Square
Two shots of Baltika every time.
1. Clive Tyldesley utters the line: "Can Manchester United Score? They always score."
2. Andy Townsend makes a perceptive comment
3. Cameras cut away to drunk fans wearing £5 Ushankas
4. Cristiano Ronaldo cuts in from the wing and doesn't shoot
5. Ashley Cole falls over
And finally, three shots of Baltika all round if.
1. Darren Fletcher flicks the ball over his head a la Ossie Ardiles in Escape to Victory to beat his man.
2. John Terry gets a slight scrape on his knee and decides to go off and give somebody else a go.
3. Andriy Shevchenko justifies his £30million pricetag with a 15-minute, three-goal, all-singing, all-dancing performance which results in his Chelsea popularity eclipsing that of Gianfranco Zola overnight.
4. Fergie not only denies Ryan Giggs his record-breaking 759th United appearance, but gives his spot on the bench to David May - who by a strange clerical error is still signed on for United. May then replicates his famous Barcelona celebrations - this time having not only missed the final, but the entire season.
5. Didier Drogba gets fouled deep into injury-time with the score at 0-0. The Ivorian instantly realises the referee has made a terrible mistake in awarding a penalty and, in an unprecedented moment of Champions League sportsmanship, deliberately misses his penalty. Both teams then embrace, and decide they'll share the trophy this year.
· 
Manchester United Supporters Association, As The REDS Go To Luzhniki
