2009 წლის ერთიანი ეროვნული გამოცდები - ნაწილი 8, გამარჯვება!

vikingi

:D მაგარია

nikaa, screamin2u, vikingi,rozoma მაგარია ძაან

erwin romel დადე რა ბავშვებზე მაინტერესებს
-დევუშკა დევუშკა ტი მარტოკა?
-ნეტ, ს დაქალამ!


This post has been edited by natonato88 on 4 Aug 2009, 14:56

გ ა ნ ც ხ ა დ ე ბ ა

ბახუსის სახელობის #081 უმაღლესი სასწავლებელი აცხადებს მიღებას მომავალი სასწავლო წლისათვის

სასწავლებელი ამზადებს თამადებს და თამადის მოადგილეებს საკმაოდ ფართო პროფილით: ქორწილი, ქელეხი, ნათლობა, დაბადების დღე, ჯარში გაცილება, ღორის კვლა და სხვა..

სწავლების პერიოდში მოსწავლეები უზრუნველყოფილნი იქნებიან უფასი სმით ყველა ჭურჭლიდან : ტოლჩა, ლამფის შუშა, ჯამი, ვაზა, თასი, ვედრო, ფეხსაცმელი.

სწავლების პერიოდი ჩაითვლება სმის უწყვეტ სტაჟად, ფრიადოსნებს უფლება აქვთ სწავლა განაგრძონ ასპირანტურაში და მიიღონ სმის მაგისტრისა და ხალხმრავალ სუფრებზე თამადობის კვალიფიკაცია.
გარდა კვალიფიციური თამადისა, კურსდამთავრებულები მიღებული გამოცდების საფუძველზე აგრეთვე თამამები არიან სუფრაზე სიმღერის, თამამად გადაცეკვებასა და ჩახტომაში,

გამოცდები ბარდება შემდეგ დისციპლინაში:
* განსხვავებული სასმისის სულმოუთქმენლად დაცლა მისაყოლებლის გარეშე (ერთ ორი ლიტრის ოდენობით)
* ძნელად დასალევი სასმისების დაცლა (მარანი, კამეჩის ყანწი, ტიკი, ჭინჭილა)
მსურველებმა უნდა წამოადგინონ:
ცნობა ჯანმრთელობის შესახებ
დახასიათება ხალხმრავალი სუფრიდან
3 ფოტო სურათი გადაღებული სიმთვრალეში

გამოცდები დაიწყება გვიან შემოდგომაზე - მაჭრიანოის დღეებში.
უმაღლესის კურსდამთავრებულებს გარანტირებული აქვთ თამადის პოზიცია ნებისმიერი სახლის ნადიმსა თუ ღრეობაში.

What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown costume!
__________

How do you know when a baby is a dead baby?
The dog plays with it more.
__________

How many babies does it take to paint a house?
Depends how hard you throw them.
__________
ამაზე ვგიჟდები
What gets louder as it gets smaller?
A baby in a trash compactor.
__________
What is pink and red and sits in a corner?
A baby chewing on razor blades.
What is green and sits in a corner?
The same baby, six weeks later.

erwin_rommel

erwin_rommel
ვახ.


არარ გინდა, კაი...


======


ერთადერთი ამას ვერ მივხვდი :

-დევუშკა დევუშკა ტი მარტოკა?
-ნეტ, ს დაქალამ!

ესენი ყველაზე კარგი იყო

most wanted

ვაიმე არაფერი მომდის ის გეცოდინებათ

: გასვენებაზე იმდენი ხალხი იყო მკვდარი ჩაამატესო"

დიდია მაგრამ ასწორებს


Bill Gates decides to organize an enormous session of recruitment for a
new chairman for Microsoft Europe. The 5000 candidates are all
assembled
in a large room. One of the candidates is Mikho Maisuradze a Georgian
guy

Bill Gates thanks all the candidates for coming and asks that all those
who do not know JAVA program language rise and leave.

2000 people rise and leave the room. Mikho Maisuradze says to himself -
"I
do not know this language but what have I got to lose if I stay?
I'll give it a try".

Bill Gates asks all the candidates that those who have never had
experience of team management of more
than 100 people rise and leave.
2000 people rise and leave the room. Mikho says to himself - "I
have never managed anybody but myself but what have I got to lose if I
stay?

What can happen to me"? So he stays.

Then Bill Gates asks all the candidates who do not have excellent
management diplomas to rise and leave. 500 people rise and leave the
room.

Mikho says to himself - "I left school at 15 but what have I got
to lose if I stay? So he stays in the room.

Lastly, Bill Gates asks all of the candidates who do not speak the
Serbo-Croat language to rise and leave. 498 people rise and leave the
room.

Mikho says to himself - "I do not speak Serbo-Croat but what the
"Hell! - Have I got anything to lose?" So he stays in the room. He
finds himself alone with one other candidate - everyone else has gone.

Bill Gates joins them and says: "Apparently you are the only two
candidates who speak Serbo-Croatian, so I'd now like to hear you both
have a little conversation in that language!

Calmly Mikho turns to the other candidate and says to him:
" როგორა ხარ შე ყ...! "...

The other candidate answers:
" ენა ჩაიგდე თორე დედას მოგ....ავ!" ..

most wanted
rozomaმ დაწერა მე მომეწონა...




შავი იუმორის კუთხე
ეს თემაა თუ მოგწონთ შAვი იუმორი...

ამის ბევრნაირი ვარიანტი არსებობს

What's grosser than ten dead babies nailed to a tree?
One dead baby nailed to ten trees.

______

What has 4 legs and one arm?
A Doberman in a children's playground!

ვსო ვრჩები

erwin_rommel
კაი რაა საიდან მოგაქ

What is funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown costume.
What is the difference between a baby and a onion?
No one cries when you chop up the baby.
What is the difference between a dead baby and a water melon?
One's fun to hit with a sledge hammer, the other one's a water melon.
What is the difference between a baby and a dart-board?
Dart-boards don't bleed.
What is the difference between a baby and a mars bar?
About 500 calories.
Why did the family take the dead baby along on the cookout?
So they could light it and toast their marshmallows.
Why was the dead baby kept in the kitchen drawer?
The family used it to crack nuts.
Why do people keep dead babies in the rec. room?
They cut off one leg and use it as a ping pong paddle.
Why do you put babies into blenders feet first?
So you can see the expression on their faces.
Why do they boil water when a baby is being born?
So that if its born dead they can make soup.
Why did the baby cross the road?
It was stapled to the chicken.
How many babies does it take to make a bottle of baby oil?
It depends on how hard you squeeze them.
How many babies fit in a blender?
Depends on how powerful the blender is.
How do you know when a baby is dead?
It doesn't cry if you nail its feet to the ceiling.
How do you find the live baby in a pile of dead ones?
Jab 'em all with a pitchfork.
How do you save a drowning baby?
Harpoon it.
How do you turn a baby into a dog?
Pour gas over it and light a match. Woof.
How do you turn a baby into a cat?
Freeze it solid, then run it through a bandsaw. Meeow.
How do you get 100 babies into a bucket?
With a blender.
How do you get them out again?
With Doritos.
How do you make a dead baby float?
Take your foot off its head.
or:
A glass of soda water and 2 scoops of baby.
What do you call two abortions in a bucket?
Blood brothers.
What is red and is creeping up your leg?
An abortion with homesickness.
What is a foot long and can make a woman scream?
Stillbirth.
What is a foot long, blue, and makes women scream in the morning?
Crib death.
What do you call a dead baby pinned to your wall?
Art.
What is red, bubbly, and scratches at the window before exploding?
A baby in a microwave.
What is blue and yellow and sits at the bottom of the pool?
Baby with slashed floaties.
What is red and yellow and floats at the top of the pool?
Floaties with a slashed baby.
What is red and hangs around trees?
A baby hit by a snow blower.
What is green and hangs around trees?
Same baby 3 weeks later.
What is pink and red and silver and crawls into walls?
A baby with forks in its eyes.
What is pink and goes black with a "hiss."?
A baby thrown into a furnace.
What is brown and gurgles?
A baby in a casserole.
What is purple, covered in pus, and squeals?
A peeled baby in a bag of salt.
What is black and goes up and down?
A baby in a toaster.
What is red and hangs out of the back of a train?
A miscarriage.
What is red and goes round and round?
A baby in a garbage disposal.
What is red and swings back and forth?
A baby on a meat hook.
What is red, screams, and goes around in circles?
A baby nailed to the floor.
What is red and sits in the corner?
A baby with razor blades.
What is blue and sits in the corner?
A baby in a baggie.
What is black and sits in a corner?
A baby with it's finger in a power socket.
What is green and sits in the corner?
Same baby two weeks later.
What is black and charred?
A baby chewing on an extension cord.
What is black and white, runs around the room, and smokes?
A baby with his hair on fire.
What is blue and flies around the room at high speeds?
A baby with a punctured lung.
What is cold, blue and doesn't move?
A baby in your freezer.
What is pink, flies and squeals?
A baby fired from a catapult.
What do you call the baby when it lands?
Free pizza.
What is red and has more brains than the baby you just shot?
The wall behind it.
What is white and glows pink?
A dead baby with an electrode up its ass.
What is more fun than nailing a baby to a wall?
Ripping it off again.
What is more fun than throwing a baby off the cliff?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
What is more fun than swinging babies around on a clothesline?
Stopping them with a shovel.
What is more fun than shoveling dead babies off your porch?
Doing it with a snow blower.
What sits in the kitchen and keeps getting smaller and smaller?
A baby combing it's hair with a potato peeler.
What bounces up and down at 100mph?
A baby tied to the back of a truck.
What goes plop, plop, fizz, fizz?
Twins in an acid bath.
What is red and pink and can't turn round in a corridor?
A baby with a javelin through its throat.
What is little and can't fit through a door?
A baby with a spear in its head.
What is the definition of fun?
Playing fetch with a pitbull and a baby.
What has 4 legs and one arm?
A doberman on a children's playground.
What has 10 arms and blood all over it?
A pitbull in front of a pile of dead babies.
What is red and pink and hanging out of your dog's mouth?
Your baby's leg.
What present do you get for a dead baby?
A dead puppy.
What is grosser than ten dead babies nailed to a tree?
One dead baby nailed to ten trees.
What is worse than a dead baby in a trash can?
100 dead babies in a trash can.
What is worse than that?
There's a live one at the bottom.
What is worse than that?
It eats its way out.
What is worse than that?
It comes back for seconds.
Know what's gross?
Running over a baby with a truck.
Know whats worse?
Skidding on it.
Worse than that?
Peeling it off the tires.
What is the worst part about killing a baby?
Getting blood on your clown suit.

ისიამოვნე ==D

nikaaa07
dead baby jokes მოძებნე გუგლით